Self-doubt is an issue that a lot of us face. We don’t always need external factors to generate stress for us, we often do it ourselves. I have talked about how we give rise to self-doubt by comparing our journey to other people’s among other reasons. Today, I have Ellen Tran from ZyraKuma to tell you guys about the best ways to deal with self-doubt. Here’s what she has to say-
Have you ever felt like you’re just not good enough? Or you just want to run away from “fear of failure”? It’s ok! People deal with self-doubt plenty of times because it’s just a human thing we suffer from day to day.
The term “self-doubt” revolves around the mental state of feeling uncertainty or distrust within oneself (a.k.a. you). In easier terms, the feeling of rejection (“fear of failure”). A lack of low self-esteem delaying a certain action because you think you are “not good enough” for that certain thing based on lack of evidence.
Here’s an example of self-doubt: pretend you have a job in any creative industry. You’re about to do a presentation in like 15 minutes, and you’re all prepared. But at the last minute, your anxious mind is telling you all these negative thoughts like “I can’t do this!” “What if I end up embarrassing myself?” “What if no one likes my work?”. You’re there standing in a daze where you’re doubting your success and wanting to escape.
If you’re in a similar situation, don’t feel discouraged! Here are ways to deal with self-doubt.
1. Talk to a Close Family Member or Friend
It’s always good to talk to someone you trust who can be empathetic and non-judgemental (I’m probably talking about a therapist), but you can always talk to a trusted friend or a family member.
Back then, I was at my lowest of lows after being rejected from job applications after job applications. I talked to one of my closest friends, and they helped cheer me up after that whole incident. So if you know your “go-to” person, just straight up throw words at their faces and tell them your thoughts and feelings even if it ends up with you throwing a fit or being overly emotional.
2. Write in a Journal
If you’re the type who is afraid of expressing their self-doubt to someone else, then you can always try journaling because no journal will ever judge you.
I can feel that way sometimes too. Some days, I don’t feel like talking to someone about my rejections, so I go to my diary instead. You can always write about anything that comes to your mind and what’s giving you self-doubt. Journaling helps you release a few emotions and gives you a clearer mind to the barrier that’s stopping you.
A suggestion that journaling can help you overcome your self-doubt is to figure out your problem-focused (how you can attempt to change the situation) or emotion-focused (how you can attempt to change the thoughts or emotional consequences of the doubt) triggers. This can work out if you’re in a stressful situation too.
And note, you DON’T have to go out of your way to buy yourself a journal. You can always use your phone’s note app to do that. But writing by hand is preferable, it helps you feel more connected.
3. Motivational Thinking
It could be a motivational video on YouTube or a podcast. There are also motivational quotes that you can write in your journal or stick a sticky note where you often see it (like a mirror or bathroom door, for example).
Give yourself motivation. Tell yourself “I can do this” or “I know I can do this”. The more positive reinforcement you give yourself the more your mind will do what you’re telling it to do.
I do this a few times before a group presentation or before a test. I tell myself “Just get this over and done with!” or “Do it for the credits. Just do it for the credits!”. Sometimes it works, and other times it doesn’t, but it doesn’t matter once you get it over and done with, right?
4. You Have Other Chances
One true realization I had recently was after my first test for my unit. I’m not afraid to share my score here so I’ll just say it. I got a 19/30. Was I disappointed? Yes. If I had scored another point, I would have been happy.
Then my professor said to everyone in the class “If you guys scored a 23/30, you would have graduated as a psychologist” or something like that. That made me self-doubt about graduating a bachelor’s degree in Psychology. The whole day, I thought to myself that I’m going to be another failed drop-out with no degree and fall into a lot of debt.
But the thing is, that test only results in 10% of my credits. Why worry about something that little when you can always find another way?
People say “Learn from your mistakes,” and that’s what I’m telling you. People make mistakes for a reason, and that reason is to learn and use it to climb to success. Did JK Rowling give up when she couldn’t find a publisher to publish her “Harry Potter” novel? No, she didn’t! Now it’s one of the most popular novels worldwide and has made Rowling a billionaire.
If it’s a dream that you want to accomplish, you should never give up unless you know that you feel that it’s impossible to achieve it. Balance the optimistic and pessimistic thoughts. This is also a reminder for you to practice better for the next time (a.k.a. don’t be like me and fall asleep at 4 am before a test day).
5. Change Your Mindset
Has this happened in the past? If so, look at the patterns and look at what it’s doing to you. You shouldn’t fall back into this self-doubt trap again, and adopting a positive mindset helps with that.
These traps are known as “faulty thoughts”. These include:
- overgeneralization (categorizing those as a never-ending negative cycle),
- overlooking the positives (bias towards the negatives than the positives),
- definite statements (believing in great expectations),
- blaming other factors (targeting other reasons for your failure),
- categorization/labeling (another way of looking at things in black-and-white),
- emotional reasoning (using your feelings as facts and basing it on your decisions or actions),
- exaggeration (overlooking the “other side” or someone/something and extending more of the good qualities),
- predicting the future (predicting the negative event or situation),
- mind-reading (thinking something negative based on their reaction or attitude) and
- mentally filtering occasions (overlooking the positive and focusing more on the negative details).
You can read more about these in detail here.
Ph.D., Karyl McBride states “You don’t need to brag, but give yourself credit where credit is due,” and I couldn’t agree on enough. She also exclaims about narcissism and being stuck in the “imposter syndrome.”
This is where you feel like you can’t accept accomplishment, knowing that you might feel like a complete “fraud”. If you do feel like you have imposter syndrome, tell yourself “If it’s something to be seen as worthy of a celebration, then celebrate it! Only I can give myself credit”.
These are some of the best ways you can overcome self-doubt about yourself.
5 Things that Can Make Your Anxiety Worse
Anxiety has become so common among people that common cold doesn’t seem that common anymore. Feelings of worry, nervousness, or unease about things are very easy to be found. Human emotions have become more suppressed with the want of succeeding in life, we have lost touch with our true selves.
We have become obsessed with uncertain outcomes that give us a feeling of anxiety. The strong desire or concern to do something or for something to happen that is not even in our control is what takes over our rational thinking most of the times. We aren’t helping it with our habits either.
Our lifestyles have become so cumbersome that things that worsen our anxieties have become more acceptable. We don’t even realize what some of the innocent-seeming habits we possess can be the cause of our anxiety. Let’s discuss some of those today.
1. Irregular Sleep
Everyone is after busy lives these days, having no time to rest has become the new hip. People brag about how little sleep they get. It is sort of becoming a competition where we top the other person by telling them how little sleep we are getting. Having no sleep pattern messes up our body, this is something that we will eventually realize.
Working hard is misconstructed as late nights and early mornings, meaning no rest whatsoever. Another reason that people have difficulty falling asleep is spending time on social media with fear of missing out (FOMO) lingering over our shoulders – this has been seen to be a reason for anxiety in many people.
“The minute anyone’s getting anxious I say, ‘You must eat and you must sleep.’ They’re the two vital elements for a healthy life.”
Worrying about our work, life, and whatnot already makes it difficult to fall asleep for people with anxiety, now, add to that spending hours scrolling through various apps that cause more anxiety – the result is irregular sleep.
Irregular sleep doesn’t only impact our physical health negatively, but our mental and emotional health is affected as well – anxiety being one of them.
2. Stress and Conflict
Stress has become a great part of everyone’s life. There are a lot of things that have started taking over people’s will to spend time for themselves, even when free there is something to think about. Personal and professional are not the only worries for people now, economical, political, environmental, etc. all take precedence because of people becoming more aware.
“It is not a daily increase, but a daily decrease. Hack away at the inessentials.”
It is a good thing, obviously, but we don’t know how to stop or when to stop. Knowing the line when we take our thinking to the level of it becoming harmful to us is becoming more difficult. Not only that people have been becoming less patient because of always being in a rush to be somewhere, but this has also disrupted communication among people.
Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said – conflicts are rising – important things are often lost and actual thoughts forgotten. The fear of saying something other than what you want to, of offending someone, of uncountable other things – stops people from even trying to put their ideas across.
“Peace is not the absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.”
On the other hand, the ease of putting your thoughts out there easily through social media has also made people speak (or type) without thinking. Lack of communication can cause a lot of problems not only in your personal life but your professional life as well – so many people have lost jobs because of one wrong tweet they sent out without thinking. All of these things, make your anxiety worse.
Be mindful of what you put out and be mindful of what you let yourself invest your energy in.
3. Watching and/or Reading a Lot of Negative News and/or Stories
All of us have our fair share of problems. This makes starting our day with optimism difficult. Clearing our mind of negativity or negative thoughts is something everyone is seeking right now. You need a positive attitude to take on your day with vigour.
News usually doesn’t bring you happy things. Reading or watching News first thing in the morning isn’t a good idea because it somehow will set the tone for the day. There’s not much you can do about a lot of sad things that will be shown. You need to learn to not let it affect your day.
Some people fall into the rabbit-hole of reading or watching one sad story after another – may it be in the form of novels, articles, videos, audiobooks, etc. – this can often lead to us not feeling good about a lot of things. Anxiety reaches the roof as you go on reading. After you close the book or whatever it is that is bringing you the negativity, you can feel your anxiety levels rising.
“Quit sharing bad news and gossip you aren’t a garbage truck.”
If you are someone who doesn’t know when to stop when reading or watching what is wrong with the world or people or horrific situations, you might want to look for ways to not let yourself continue with the habit. It is detrimental to your mental health – it increases your anxiety which also happens because you become more paranoid.
4. Too Much Social Media
There is such a thing as “too much social media.” We have become so used to checking our phones every few minutes that if we don’t have our phones we immediately start feeling FOMO (Fear of missing out) which leads to anxiety. Following other people who flaunt their wealth will often make people feel dissatisfied from their own life.
“Social media is addictive precisely because it gives us something which the real world lacks: it gives us immediacy, direction, and value as an individual.”
People with insecurities can easily get their insecurities triggered which again leads to anxiety. This is why social media detox is becoming a thing. Social media detox allows people to gain perspective on their relationship with social networks. It also gives them a chance to deal with the anxiety caused by social media addiction.
5. Saying Yes to Too Many Things
You will often see “saying yes to things” in people’s goals list. The other extreme is a problem as well. Some people do not know how to say “no” which leads to them taking on more than they can deal with – overfilling their plates, biting more than they can chew – you can call it whatever you want, but it makes people more anxious.
Learning to say “no” is a skill all of us need to learn. Not saying “yes” might make us lose opportunities, but not saying “no” becomes detrimental to our health. Saying “yes” to everything also brings things we don’t want. Add saying “no” to negativity in your list so that you can learn to put yourself first.
“Learning to “just say no” to emotional reactions isn’t repression. Saying no means not engaging the frustration, anger, judgment, or blame. Without engagement, you won’t have anything to repress.”
When you understand that you are who you should be putting first, it becomes easier to accept or deny things. You don’t end up taking a lot more than you can do, and that helps you not be overwhelmed by things you need to do, which leads to our work not being associated with the feeling of anxiety.
We need to make lifestyle changes to make our life more meaningful and less stressful. You have to focus on things that bring more positivity in your life and help you achieve a state of mental peace. Habits that you form should help you become a better person, they shouldn’t be the cause of problems.
Learn to identify what causes you anxiety or even increases it a bit, and find a solution to either get it out of your life or at least find a way to deal with it better.
How to Prioritize Your Tasks to Help You Achieve All Your Goals
A few days ago I discussed why prioritizing your tasks was a much-needed aspect when it came to achieving success. I have always believed that knowing what is important to you will help you focus your energy in the right things.
“If you chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one.”
Once you have realized that not every task is equally important and they can be put off, for the time being, you can get to schedule only the tasks that are on your priority list. The problem arises when you cannot determine which task is more important.
One of the questions that help you make sense of prioritization is, “Will this task take me closer to my goal?” The most important tasks are the ones that move you closer to achieving your long term goals.
Prioritization helps you have a plan that will push you to focus your time and energy on the right things. It will also help you ensure that your work is done, deadlines are met, and stress is minimized.
Sometimes when you’re overwhelmed by a situation or the number of things that need to be done, that’s when your priorities need to be reordered so that you can get things done that bring you closer to your actual goal. At the end of the day, everything boils down to your ultimate goal.
Nobody’s life is ever all balanced – doesn’t matter if it seems like that to you – everyone has a different set of problems. It’s a conscious decision to choose your priorities every day so that you can keep making progress each day.
The Magic of To-Do Lists
“Schedule your priorities.”
To-do lists are really helpful in putting the things that need to be done into perspective. Take the list further by adding additional attributes. You can prioritize tasks in the list itself. If you use an app or digital file, it becomes easier. If you use the old pen-paper method, then you can either rewrite the list after prioritizing the tasks or you can use highlighters or page-markers. Here’s how you can prioritize your tasks.
- Make a list of all the tasks that you need to do.
- For bigger tasks, identify individual tasks that will help you complete the project. The breaking of big tasks should be small enough to be completed in a few days or a few hours.
- Identify due dates – long-range, midrange, due next month or next week.
Now that you have the list complete. You will have everything laid out in front of you. This will help you make an informed decision without forgetting any tasks. With brain dump out of the way, you can focus on prioritizing the tasks.
- Assign priorities to each task, from most urgent to not very important – use A, B, C, etc., to designate levels of importance.
- After you have decided the priority of your tasks, rank each task within the level using a secondary designation, such as A-1, A-2, A-3 – this can be used for sub-tasks.
You must know the difference between what is urgent and what is important, most people often spend their time and energy on what is urgent than what is important. This might get you from one point to another in the short-term but in long-term it will get you nowhere. The next step is that you must do what’s important first which is called priority.
Over time, I learned that we can do anything, but we can’t do everything. When we understand this, it becomes easier to understand what actually matters and what you are doing just because.
There are many tools provided online to make planning even more detailed yet easier. Tasks can be flagged with contact details of people involved and reminders of upcoming events, due dates, and meetings. You can also make to-do lists, assign due dates, set reminders, schedule meetings, etc.
“Instead of saying “I don’t have time” try saying “it’s not a priority,” and see how that feels.”
Start and end your day with your “to-do” list – check off what you finished and review the remaining tasks at night and in the morning go through the list once to see what all you need to do. Do not constantly reprioritize the list, as it can quickly become an excuse for procrastination and will leave you confused as to what you are supposed to do.
What if Every Task Seems Like a Priority?
“When you have too many top priorities, you effectively have no top priorities.”
If you find yourself with more than three top priorities, then that’s a problem. It means you haven’t figured out what tasks are more important. Figure out which ones can wait until later. If all of the tasks are of same nature making them equally important, then that means you need to cut out some tasks, you might have taken on more than you can handle.
Having a laser-like focus on only a handful of things is essential here so that you can have only the tasks that matter the most on your list.
“You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage – pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically – to say ‘no’ to other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside. The enemy of the ‘best’ is often the ‘good’.”
To achieve success, to complete your goal, to chase your dream with your all – it is really important to learn how to prioritize. There will always be a plethora of things you want to do or you feel like you need to do, but they will never all be at the same level priority wise.
You need to learn to teach yourself to decide on what is important and stick to doing that – this is the key to finishing things that are high on your list.
Prioritizing allows you to identify the most important tasks at any moment and dedicate the limited time and resources you have accordingly.
Why You Should Prepare Your To-Do Lists the Night Before
To be on top of everything, having a set morning routine and night routine that you follow religiously is very important. A routine makes sure that you do all the necessary tasks to ensure that your day running smoothly. The habit of making to-do lists and following it is one of the beneficial habits you can cultivate in order to get all your work done without being overwhelmed.
Many people wonder if making lists at the end of the day is better than making a list in the morning or vice versa. While in the morning, you might be fresh with a fresh outlook toward the day, chances are that making a list in the morning isn’t the best way to ensure productivity. Making a to-do list isn’t enough, knowing how to tackle it needs some planning.
When you wake up and get through your morning routine, it can be difficult to sit down to plan the day. You want the morning to be light and filled with little tasks that are more about self-care than business. The serenity of the morning is the perfect time to be looking after yourself. If someday you happen to wake up late, all your planning will go askew if you leave making your task list to morning.
At the end of the day, you know what tasks you have managed to complete, and what areas of work needs your attention next. This makes it easier to create a to-do list for the next day because you will be making a list on the data from the day. While you can do the same in the morning, the urgencies of certain tasks aren’t going to be that fresh in your mind.
You also have the opportunity to sleep on your list and then revise it in the morning with tasks that would need more attention. Before bed is the best time to create a game plan for the next day. It’s like getting a head start to your day because you already made a plan the day before.
When you make a list at night, you already know what you need to focus on first the next day. What’s your MIT (most important task) and what work you can fit in, considering your schedule. You don’t have to wake up to the task of planning and can use your sharpness in the hours of the morning to actually getting work done.
“Setlists are tough because you come up with this structure of how the songs are going to go from one to the next, but at the same time, you have to be spontaneous and take requests and change the setlist at the drop of a hat.”
-Billie Joe Armstrong
You can put indicators to tasks that are priorities, urgent, or can be put-off, and then in the morning, you can prioritize them with more vigilance. This is something that will help you go about your day as soon as you wake up because you will have a direction to follow. This particularly helps if you have too much on your plate and you are overwhelmed by the amount of tasks that need to be done and feel clueless. With a to-do list prepared, you will wake up with a mission and that will help you feel motivated.
While I am an advocate for waking up early, I know not everyone can afford to. Many of us work lates or have some weird working hours because of international businesses or just because of personal preference. If you are not an early riser, then making a list in advance will let you know at what time to wake up to keep your day running smoothly.
For me, I make a list of my three MITs (Most Important Tasks). I always advise to make a list of 2-3 MITs and try to achieve them as soon as possible, they are critical tasks that yield the most significant results. Once you achieve the most important and difficult tasks, you already have a sense of accomplishment and achievement that will help you get to other not so important tasks throughout the day without worrying constantly.
Having the most important task out of the way gives you an opportunity to be actually present in your workday and work for other things without the constant pressure of this looming task that you will have to get to eventually. You get to give your 100% to everything you do because you are sorted by working on tasks based on your priority.
“I made a huge to-do list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.”
That being said, while lists can be a huge help in giving you direction, in the end, you are the one who has to follow them to get the work done so don’t make your lists overwhelming. I understand the urge to fill up our lists with all the tasks that are swarming our minds, I used to do that. I made mile-long lists but never could complete it in the day and that discouraged me.
Then I learned the importance of being smart and setting realistic goals. I started making a master list in which I jotted down every task that entered my mind and then segregated them daily. I focused only on the tasks that were on my today list. Having put the other tasks on another list made me not worry about them and I could focus on my daily tasks better.
“People are remarkably bad at remembering long lists of goals. I learned this at a professional level when trying to get my high-performance coaching clients to stay on track; the longer their lists of to-dos and goals, the more overwhelmed and off-track they got. Clarity comes with simplicity.”
A brain dump is essential to keep your brain from worrying about every little thing. So, make a main overall list and then your daily to-do list can be a subset of it. Every day when you make your lists in the evening or before going to bed, you can go through your main list and take that into consideration against what you achieved today. Based on both things, you can make a much more efficient list. This will help you work little by little to achieve your long term goals as well.
“Mostly I make lists for projects. This can be daunting. Breaking something big into its constituent parts will help you organize your thoughts, but it can also force you to confront the depth of your ignorance and the hugeness of the task. That’s OK. The project may be the lion, but the list is your whip.”
After doing a brain dump of all your ideas and worries, take things out from it to do each day, and do not look at the main list you made again while going about your day. This will free up your mind from the plethora of tasks that need to be done and will let you focus on what you can do now – making sure you give your best in whatever you are doing. There’s no point stressing over the bulk and doing nothing to make a dent in it.
You have to consider your strengths, your weaknesses, your schedule, the probability of last-minute tasks, the average time to get a job done, any kind of raw data that can help you get into the habit of making an almost foolproof plan.
If the list is overwhelming you and discouraging you, then you have to understand that it’s not the lists that overwhelm us, it’s what and how much we put on them. Ever heard about not overfilling your plate, this is exactly it.
There will be days when you won’t complete all the tasks on your list – no matter how hard you try, some days are just not helpful. The unfinished tasks will bother you – if they don’t, then you can use the same list, but chances are that they will. I suggest throwing away that list and start a new one every day.
For most people, when they just add on to the existing list, they start the next day already feeling like having failed because they have tasks from yesterday to go through. No matter how much you do in the day, you will keep feeling unaccomplished because your mind will go in an ‘if only’ mindset where you will keep wondering that if you had finished those tasks yesterday then you could have done more work in the time it took you to get to them today.
This is not a healthy attitude to begin your day with. So, start a new list. Put the tasks again on the list. Now, it is a new list with all the remaining and new tasks together. It will make you feel like you have a fresh list instead of the feeling of working on a backlog. Whatever makes you feel positive about your workflow is what you are going to apply eventually – it is a process of learning and growing.
Making a good plan is half-battle won, that is why it is important to be prepared. To-do lists are your daily plans. If you prepare them smartly and then apply them to the T, you will realize that getting work done is easier than it always seemed. Making a to-do list the night before gives you the opportunity to start your day feeling prepared and ready to deal with anything that comes your way.
5 Things that Can Make Your Anxiety Worse
How to Prioritize Your Tasks to Help You Achieve All Your Goals
Finance – Taboo, Importance, and Everything in Between
21 Quotes About Chasing Perfection and Striving for It
Why You Should Prepare Your To-Do Lists the Night Before
How Influencer Marketing Helps You Put Your Business on the Map
How You Can Use Humor to Win at Life in the Face of Adversities
Why Chasing Perfection is a Futile Activity
Why Prioritizing Tasks Can Lead to Success
9 Tips to Develop a Successful Brand Website for Entrepreneurs
Mindfulness7 months ago
Why I Took a Break From Facebook
Entrepreneurs7 months ago
1Password Review – The Best Password Manager Out There
Quotes8 months ago
27 of the Most Powerful Quotes of All Time
Productivity8 months ago
7 Ways To Increase Productivity At Work
Productivity7 months ago
Things 3 Review – A To-Do App That Works
Goals3 months ago
The Ultimate Guide to Goal Setting
Motivation6 months ago
5 Excellent Ways to Stay Focused on Your Dreams
Entrepreneurs8 months ago
9 Warren Buffett Quotes for Start-Ups to Live By