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Best Ways to Deal With Self-Doubt

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Best Ways to Deal With Self-Doubt

Self-doubt is an issue that a lot of us face. We don’t always need external factors to generate stress for us, we often do it ourselves. I have talked about how we give rise to self-doubt by comparing our journey to other people’s among other reasons. Today, I have Ellen Tran from ZyraKuma to tell you guys about the best ways to deal with self-doubt. Here’s what she has to say- 

Have you ever felt like you’re just not good enough? Or you just want to run away from “fear of failure”? It’s ok! People deal with self-doubt plenty of times because it’s just a human thing we suffer from day to day.

The term “self-doubt” revolves around the mental state of feeling uncertainty or distrust within oneself (a.k.a. you). In easier terms, the feeling of rejection (“fear of failure”). A lack of low self-esteem delaying a certain action because you think you are “not good enough” for that certain thing based on lack of evidence.

Here’s an example of self-doubt: pretend you have a job in any creative industry. You’re about to do a presentation in like 15 minutes, and you’re all prepared. But at the last minute, your anxious mind is telling you all these negative thoughts like “I can’t do this!” “What if I end up embarrassing myself?” “What if no one likes my work?”. You’re there standing in a daze where you’re doubting your success and wanting to escape.

If you’re in a similar situation, don’t feel discouraged! Here are ways to deal with self-doubt.

1. Talk to a Close Family Member or Friend

Best Ways to Deal With Self-Doubt

It’s always good to talk to someone you trust who can be empathetic and non-judgemental (I’m probably talking about a therapist), but you can always talk to a trusted friend or a family member. 

Back then, I was at my lowest of lows after being rejected from job applications after job applications. I talked to one of my closest friends, and they helped cheer me up after that whole incident. So if you know your “go-to” person, just straight up throw words at their faces and tell them your thoughts and feelings even if it ends up with you throwing a fit or being overly emotional.

2. Write in a Journal

Best Ways to Deal With Self-Doubt

If you’re the type who is afraid of expressing their self-doubt to someone else, then you can always try journaling because no journal will ever judge you.

I can feel that way sometimes too. Some days, I don’t feel like talking to someone about my rejections, so I go to my diary instead. You can always write about anything that comes to your mind and what’s giving you self-doubt. Journaling helps you release a few emotions and gives you a clearer mind to the barrier that’s stopping you.

A suggestion that journaling can help you overcome your self-doubt is to figure out your problem-focused (how you can attempt to change the situation) or emotion-focused (how you can attempt to change the thoughts or emotional consequences of the doubt) triggers. This can work out if you’re in a stressful situation too.

And note, you DON’T have to go out of your way to buy yourself a journal. You can always use your phone’s note app to do that. But writing by hand is preferable, it helps you feel more connected.

3. Motivational Thinking

Best Ways to Deal With Self-Doubt

It could be a motivational video on YouTube or a podcast. There are also motivational quotes that you can write in your journal or stick a sticky note where you often see it (like a mirror or bathroom door, for example).

Give yourself motivation. Tell yourself “I can do this” or “I know I can do this”. The more positive reinforcement you give yourself the more your mind will do what you’re telling it to do.

I do this a few times before a group presentation or before a test. I tell myself “Just get this over and done with!” or “Do it for the credits. Just do it for the credits!”. Sometimes it works, and other times it doesn’t, but it doesn’t matter once you get it over and done with, right?

4. You Have Other Chances

Best Ways to Deal With Self-Doubt

One true realization I had recently was after my first test for my unit. I’m not afraid to share my score here so I’ll just say it. I got a 19/30. Was I disappointed? Yes. If I had scored another point, I would have been happy. 

Then my professor said to everyone in the class “If you guys scored a 23/30, you would have graduated as a psychologist” or something like that. That made me self-doubt about graduating a bachelor’s degree in Psychology. The whole day, I thought to myself that I’m going to be another failed drop-out with no degree and fall into a lot of debt.

But the thing is, that test only results in 10% of my credits. Why worry about something that little when you can always find another way?

People say “Learn from your mistakes,” and that’s what I’m telling you. People make mistakes for a reason, and that reason is to learn and use it to climb to success. Did JK Rowling give up when she couldn’t find a publisher to publish her “Harry Potter” novel? No, she didn’t! Now it’s one of the most popular novels worldwide and has made Rowling a billionaire.

If it’s a dream that you want to accomplish, you should never give up unless you know that you feel that it’s impossible to achieve it. Balance the optimistic and pessimistic thoughts. This is also a reminder for you to practice better for the next time (a.k.a. don’t be like me and fall asleep at 4 am before a test day).

5. Change Your Mindset 

Has this happened in the past? If so, look at the patterns and look at what it’s doing to you. You shouldn’t fall back into this self-doubt trap again, and adopting a positive mindset helps with that.

These traps are known as “faulty thoughts”. These include:

  • overgeneralization (categorizing those as a never-ending negative cycle), 
  • overlooking the positives (bias towards the negatives than the positives), 
  • definite statements (believing in great expectations), 
  • blaming other factors (targeting other reasons for your failure),
  • categorization/labeling (another way of looking at things in black-and-white), 
  • emotional reasoning (using your feelings as facts and basing it on your decisions or actions), 
  • exaggeration (overlooking the “other side” or someone/something and extending more of the good qualities), 
  • predicting the future (predicting the negative event or situation), 
  • mind-reading (thinking something negative based on their reaction or attitude) and
  • mentally filtering occasions (overlooking the positive and focusing more on the negative details). 

You can read more about these in detail here.

Ph.D., Karyl McBride states “You don’t need to brag, but give yourself credit where credit is due,” and I couldn’t agree on enough. She also exclaims about narcissism and being stuck in the “imposter syndrome.”

This is where you feel like you can’t accept accomplishment, knowing that you might feel like a complete “fraud”. If you do feel like you have imposter syndrome, tell yourself “If it’s something to be seen as worthy of a celebration, then celebrate it! Only I can give myself credit”. 

These are some of the best ways you can overcome self-doubt about yourself.

Author: Ellen Tran @ZyraKuma
Site: https://www.zyrakuma.com
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Self Improvement

Top Ways To Unwind At The End Of The Week

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“Do not underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all things you can not hear, and not bothering.” These lines by A.A.Milne, are a much-needed piece of advice in our daily humdrum lifestyle.

You are juggling a busy life and making an effort to climb the ladder of success while also trying to be socially active, mentally stimulated and physically healthy. Don’t you feel like just unwinding over a weekend and recharging your batteries? Do not contemplate; keep an open schedule, and loosen up. Inhale and exhale!

A weekend off after a long week of stress and hard work is essential for your mental health, and to take on the coming week with a fresh attitude. 

We are suggesting some ways/activities that help you unwind over the weekend. 

Read a book

Pick up the book you wanted to read. You may have read a couple of pages of the book. You purchased the book on a friends recommendation and have not found the time to start reading it. Do not delay it further. Spend the weekend with your book. Curl up in that cosy nook with a warm mug of coffee and get reading! Drown out the noises of your daily routine and immerse yourself in someone’s story. 

Must, read Essential Must-Read Self-Help Books

Pursue that hobby

Have you had the luxury of just spending some time with yourself pursuing your hobby? Winston Churchill rightly said that ” To be really happy and really safe, one ought to have at least two or three hobbies, and they must be real.” So take the advice, go on a digital detox for some hours or the weekend. Pick up that instrument you enjoy playing, go for a dance class and let your hair down, or spend some hours in your garden with your green babies in complete tranquillity. 

Exercise

Step out of your house, go for a jog or a long walk and enjoy your own company. A physical form of exercise is enjoyable and is a magic potion for your mental well-being. Go Hiking, cycling, swimming or any form of physical activity that you cannot pursue during your hectic week and make it a part of your weekend schedule. Barack Obama famously said that ” You have to exercise, or at some point, you”ll just break down.” 

Socialize

Are you the kind who only has work-friends? It is borderline unhealthy to have a social circle only in your workspace. Schedule a lunch with your relatives/family, meet a long-time college or school friend for dinner. Anne Lamott says, ” Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes… including you.” It is always good to disconnect from work and connect with your near and dear ones. Be mindful of the time and do not push yourself till the wee hours of the night. Try and squeeze in some extra hours of sleep over the weekend as well.

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Self Improvement

4 Essential Must-Read Self-Help Books

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Self help Books

Charles Baudelaire once said, “A book is a garden, an orchard, a storehouse, a party, a company, a counselor, a multitude of counselors.” Whether you are someone who is just beginning to wander into the world of books, or reading is your second nature, chances are that you will learn a bit or two from everything you read.

With the growing popularity of non-fiction books, one of the biggest and best-selling genres these days has become that of self-help and self-improvement books. If that piques your interest and makes you want to get one for yourself, here is a list of 4 essential self-help books that everybody should read.

Also, read Things About Self-Love That You Need To Know Right Now!

1. Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Victor Frankl’s 1946 book Man’s Search for Meaning is a chronicle of the traumatic experiences he went through while imprisoned in Nazi concentration camps during World War II. The book breaks down his psychotherapeutic method into two simple steps— identifying one’s purpose in life – something that imparts positive energy and wholly dedicating the imagination to that outcome.

2. Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life

If you are active on social media, then this aesthetic little blue book must have appeared on your feed at least once. But don’t be fooled by its charming appeal, because this book by Hector Garcia and Francesc Miralles, as claimed in the subtitle, holds the elusive key to happiness and contentment in one’s life. It uses the principle of finding and adhering to your ‘ikigai’ or ‘reason for living’ to strike a balance between your interests, contribution to the world, and personal sustainability.

3. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

In his book, Stephen Covey shares 7 simple habits, which if followed diligently, can improve your life by making you truly effective and efficient in everything that you do. Not only that, the realistic advice in this book focuses on uplifting not just yourself, but also encouraging others around you to do the same, thus creating a stable and flourishing environment.

4. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

No list about self-help books can be considered complete without including this absolute classic from 1936 by Dale Carnegie, the be-all and end-all of this kind of literature. How to Win Friends and Influence People tackles a variety of social spheres from the public to the private, and the original edition had six sections, namely: “Twelve Things This Book Will Do For You”, “Fundamental Techniques in Handling People”, “Six Ways to Make People Like You”. “Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking”, “Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment”, “Letters That Produced Miraculous Results”, and finally, “Seven Rules For Making Your Home Life Happier”.

As is clear, Carnegie’s book covers a lot of bases that people struggle with— which is why the book was an instant bestseller upon launch.

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Mindfulness

5 Things About Self-Love That You Need To Know Right Now!

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Who is the first person that comes to your mind when you talk about love? Is it your family, a friend, or your significant other? But, what about you? Self-love is important to lead a happy and healthy life in a world that keeps growing stressful and demanding by the day. However, this concept is often overlooked and misunderstood. So, here are the 5 most important things that you should know about self-love.

Must, Read Best Ways to Deal With Self-Doubt

5 Most Important Things About Self-Love

1. Self-Love Cannot Be Attained Overnight

When you’ve lived a major portion of your life disregarding your needs and value, then giving yourself the care and love that you deserve might take some time. Just like loving others, loving yourself is like a journey and a consistent process. Also, don’t overemphasize your flaws. All humans have flaws and those flaws are what make you humane and unique.

2. Self-Love is Important to Practice

Practicing self-love will inculcate a better mindset that opens more doors for you to give and receive love. According to psychologists, creating a healthy relationship, full of care and understanding, with yourself will help you form the same kind of relationship with others as well. Also, maintaining healthy boundaries is very important too.

3. Finding the Sources to Heal Is Difficult

If you are in the process of healing and are taking the necessary steps to heal, then you should be proud of yourself. Healing takes time, is quite complex, and is not that easy. Becoming overwhelmed during the process is normal and while you do become so, know that you’re not alone. Digging deep into past wounds or even reoccurring ones could be quite overwhelming.

It might be tempting to keep pushing but remember that self-love also includes acknowledging your boundaries. So, you need to step back from healing for a bit when it becomes too much to handle.

4. Give Permission to Be Compassionate Towards Yourself

One of the biggest sources of strength is being able to be kind towards yourself in life. Society makes us blame ourselves when things go wrong. As a result, time and again we make ourselves believe that we aren’t good enough or qualified enough. Rather, we should try to objectively examine the situation.

Suppressing yourself for the sake of others could be brutal towards your self-esteem. You need to consciously accept that you deserve understanding and kindness. And while you do that, your self-esteem and confidence will keep growing.

5. Do What Your Heart Asks You To

Have you ever felt as if you have to do something because others were pressurizing you to? Committing to something you don’t want to such as taking a certain career path that you don’t like could be dangerous. This might seem to resolve differences with others for a short while, it might leave you unfulfilled later on.

Loving yourself also includes allowing yourself the right to follow your own dreams and desires regardless of what others might say. That will make you happy and fulfilled.

Final Thoughts

Self-love could also seem difficult at times. It does what is best for you and you might not feel excited about it all the time. For example, sleeping early because tomorrow is an important day or not meeting your friends because you have to finish an assignment. Setting down and respecting your own boundaries is a great thing.

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