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Why Talking To Yourself Is The Fastest Way To Build Self-confidence

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The idea of talking to yourself in a mirror might seem downright silly. And chances are, if you struggle with self-confidence, you want to be spending as little time in front of the mirror as possible. But if you can get past the initial awkwardness, you can benefit from the fastest results from spending time with yourself and actively engaging in conversation.

The wrong way of building self-confidence

When a person is under-confident, it generally means that they crave validation, appreciation, or some kind of proof that they’re worthy of love and recognition. We can all think of at least one person in our life who can be called ‘attention-seeking.’ But in reality, a vast majority of people are underconfident, even if it isn’t blatantly visible. 

Trying to seek approval from other people can manifest in indirect forms. You might find yourself working extra hours to get approval from your boss or going out of your way to do favors for people who wouldn’t do the same for you! We can really make ourselves suffer all for the quest of a few words of praise. 

The sad part is — the praise never really feels that great! Like an ice cream that got over way too quickly, praise and approval taste sweet for a few moments; before we fall right back into feeling lousy about ourselves. 

There has to be something that makes us feel better, for longer.

Why we listen to ourselves the most

Most of the time, the main reason why people are underconfident in the first place is that they have spent years thinking about self-derogatory and unkind thoughts about themselves. 

When you think that you’re not good enough for so many years, the conscious brain forms a habit out of these thoughts and keeps re-visiting them with every new situation. That’s why it’s so tricky to build self-confidence. There are numerous incidents of overweight people who had low self-esteem but found that losing weight didn’t improve their mental health. They still had low self-esteem, probably even more than they did earlier. 

The only way to get out of the rut of negative self-thoughts is to change your neural pathways. The only way you forget a previous habit is by forming a new one.

Continually talking to yourself in the mirror and saying good, positive things about yourself really works. And you might find it easier to say “I love you” in the mirror than saying “I love myself,” and that’s because we have a habit of being nicer to other people, not ourselves. Try to talk in the first person. “I am so smart.” “I am worthy of all the good things in life.”

“Every thought is either an investment or a cost.” T. Harv Eker

The Process

It will seem silly for the first few days. You will forget to do it sometimes, or even when you remember, you might get irritated with the entire process. It’s very hard to stay motivated. But try to stick with it! Give it 21 days of talking to yourself in the mirror every morning before you brush your teeth.

 (I found it easier to do it when I brush my teeth in the morning and night because that’s something I never forget to do.)

Focus on starting with complimenting yourself, listing out the things you admire in yourself.
“I like that I have a good work ethic.” or “I’m a good person, and I always value the truth”. After that, you can spend a few moments chatting with yourself. Talk about how much you like the weather today or anything else positive that you can think of. 

The key is to look right into your own eyes in the mirror. Try not to get distracted by that pimple that’s popped up on your chin or being critical of something else. You wouldn’t stare at your best friend’s pimple while they’re talking to you, would you? Treat your reflection with respect and talk to it directly without being mean.

The Results

After some time, you will notice results. They will be almost imperceptible initially, but you’ll end up looking forward to the time you spend looking into your own eyes. 

It takes a bit of time to rework the way your brain thinks, but this is the only direct way to get your mind to start giving you the approval you need. 

Once you spend time with yourself in the mirror, it creates distance. You’ll be less mean to yourself because you don’t want to hurt the person in the mirror. You’ll have started a long journey of self-love, one we must all undertake. 

There is so much more to human potential than we give ourselves credit for. The mind is powerful, and if you’re planning to do something for self-improvement — you’re already on the right path. 

Remember to stick with the process, and don’t expect instant results. In a month, your self-confidence will have improved because you’re finally getting the approval you always wanted: approval from yourself!

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Self Improvement

Top Ways To Unwind At The End Of The Week

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“Do not underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all things you can not hear, and not bothering.” These lines by A.A.Milne, are a much-needed piece of advice in our daily humdrum lifestyle.

You are juggling a busy life and making an effort to climb the ladder of success while also trying to be socially active, mentally stimulated and physically healthy. Don’t you feel like just unwinding over a weekend and recharging your batteries? Do not contemplate; keep an open schedule, and loosen up. Inhale and exhale!

A weekend off after a long week of stress and hard work is essential for your mental health, and to take on the coming week with a fresh attitude. 

We are suggesting some ways/activities that help you unwind over the weekend. 

Read a book

Pick up the book you wanted to read. You may have read a couple of pages of the book. You purchased the book on a friends recommendation and have not found the time to start reading it. Do not delay it further. Spend the weekend with your book. Curl up in that cosy nook with a warm mug of coffee and get reading! Drown out the noises of your daily routine and immerse yourself in someone’s story. 

Must, read Essential Must-Read Self-Help Books

Pursue that hobby

Have you had the luxury of just spending some time with yourself pursuing your hobby? Winston Churchill rightly said that ” To be really happy and really safe, one ought to have at least two or three hobbies, and they must be real.” So take the advice, go on a digital detox for some hours or the weekend. Pick up that instrument you enjoy playing, go for a dance class and let your hair down, or spend some hours in your garden with your green babies in complete tranquillity. 

Exercise

Step out of your house, go for a jog or a long walk and enjoy your own company. A physical form of exercise is enjoyable and is a magic potion for your mental well-being. Go Hiking, cycling, swimming or any form of physical activity that you cannot pursue during your hectic week and make it a part of your weekend schedule. Barack Obama famously said that ” You have to exercise, or at some point, you”ll just break down.” 

Socialize

Are you the kind who only has work-friends? It is borderline unhealthy to have a social circle only in your workspace. Schedule a lunch with your relatives/family, meet a long-time college or school friend for dinner. Anne Lamott says, ” Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes… including you.” It is always good to disconnect from work and connect with your near and dear ones. Be mindful of the time and do not push yourself till the wee hours of the night. Try and squeeze in some extra hours of sleep over the weekend as well.

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Self Improvement

4 Essential Must-Read Self-Help Books

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Self help Books

Charles Baudelaire once said, “A book is a garden, an orchard, a storehouse, a party, a company, a counselor, a multitude of counselors.” Whether you are someone who is just beginning to wander into the world of books, or reading is your second nature, chances are that you will learn a bit or two from everything you read.

With the growing popularity of non-fiction books, one of the biggest and best-selling genres these days has become that of self-help and self-improvement books. If that piques your interest and makes you want to get one for yourself, here is a list of 4 essential self-help books that everybody should read.

Also, read Things About Self-Love That You Need To Know Right Now!

1. Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Victor Frankl’s 1946 book Man’s Search for Meaning is a chronicle of the traumatic experiences he went through while imprisoned in Nazi concentration camps during World War II. The book breaks down his psychotherapeutic method into two simple steps— identifying one’s purpose in life – something that imparts positive energy and wholly dedicating the imagination to that outcome.

2. Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life

If you are active on social media, then this aesthetic little blue book must have appeared on your feed at least once. But don’t be fooled by its charming appeal, because this book by Hector Garcia and Francesc Miralles, as claimed in the subtitle, holds the elusive key to happiness and contentment in one’s life. It uses the principle of finding and adhering to your ‘ikigai’ or ‘reason for living’ to strike a balance between your interests, contribution to the world, and personal sustainability.

3. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

In his book, Stephen Covey shares 7 simple habits, which if followed diligently, can improve your life by making you truly effective and efficient in everything that you do. Not only that, the realistic advice in this book focuses on uplifting not just yourself, but also encouraging others around you to do the same, thus creating a stable and flourishing environment.

4. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

No list about self-help books can be considered complete without including this absolute classic from 1936 by Dale Carnegie, the be-all and end-all of this kind of literature. How to Win Friends and Influence People tackles a variety of social spheres from the public to the private, and the original edition had six sections, namely: “Twelve Things This Book Will Do For You”, “Fundamental Techniques in Handling People”, “Six Ways to Make People Like You”. “Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking”, “Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment”, “Letters That Produced Miraculous Results”, and finally, “Seven Rules For Making Your Home Life Happier”.

As is clear, Carnegie’s book covers a lot of bases that people struggle with— which is why the book was an instant bestseller upon launch.

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Mindfulness

5 Things About Self-Love That You Need To Know Right Now!

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Who is the first person that comes to your mind when you talk about love? Is it your family, a friend, or your significant other? But, what about you? Self-love is important to lead a happy and healthy life in a world that keeps growing stressful and demanding by the day. However, this concept is often overlooked and misunderstood. So, here are the 5 most important things that you should know about self-love.

Must, Read Best Ways to Deal With Self-Doubt

5 Most Important Things About Self-Love

1. Self-Love Cannot Be Attained Overnight

When you’ve lived a major portion of your life disregarding your needs and value, then giving yourself the care and love that you deserve might take some time. Just like loving others, loving yourself is like a journey and a consistent process. Also, don’t overemphasize your flaws. All humans have flaws and those flaws are what make you humane and unique.

2. Self-Love is Important to Practice

Practicing self-love will inculcate a better mindset that opens more doors for you to give and receive love. According to psychologists, creating a healthy relationship, full of care and understanding, with yourself will help you form the same kind of relationship with others as well. Also, maintaining healthy boundaries is very important too.

3. Finding the Sources to Heal Is Difficult

If you are in the process of healing and are taking the necessary steps to heal, then you should be proud of yourself. Healing takes time, is quite complex, and is not that easy. Becoming overwhelmed during the process is normal and while you do become so, know that you’re not alone. Digging deep into past wounds or even reoccurring ones could be quite overwhelming.

It might be tempting to keep pushing but remember that self-love also includes acknowledging your boundaries. So, you need to step back from healing for a bit when it becomes too much to handle.

4. Give Permission to Be Compassionate Towards Yourself

One of the biggest sources of strength is being able to be kind towards yourself in life. Society makes us blame ourselves when things go wrong. As a result, time and again we make ourselves believe that we aren’t good enough or qualified enough. Rather, we should try to objectively examine the situation.

Suppressing yourself for the sake of others could be brutal towards your self-esteem. You need to consciously accept that you deserve understanding and kindness. And while you do that, your self-esteem and confidence will keep growing.

5. Do What Your Heart Asks You To

Have you ever felt as if you have to do something because others were pressurizing you to? Committing to something you don’t want to such as taking a certain career path that you don’t like could be dangerous. This might seem to resolve differences with others for a short while, it might leave you unfulfilled later on.

Loving yourself also includes allowing yourself the right to follow your own dreams and desires regardless of what others might say. That will make you happy and fulfilled.

Final Thoughts

Self-love could also seem difficult at times. It does what is best for you and you might not feel excited about it all the time. For example, sleeping early because tomorrow is an important day or not meeting your friends because you have to finish an assignment. Setting down and respecting your own boundaries is a great thing.

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