Why Learning to Choose the Battles You Fight is Important

Not all battles are worth fighting, this is something all of us know in theory, but seldom know how to practice it. There’s a thin line between not taking action because you are scared and not taking action because it is not worth it.

It is easy to convince yourself that the reason for your inaction is the knowledge that the fight isn’t worth it when, in reality, you are just scared to take the leap and vice versa.

Most of the time, when we see something wrong happening, our instinct is to right the wrong. We decide to get up and fight for the cause; we all want what’s best to happen. But, sometimes we are stopped and told to “reconsider our decision, our stance, because it may not be worth it.” But then again, we are also advised to keep trying, “because it may not show results right away, but someday it would.”

Sometimes when we are way angry about someone or something or can’t agree with the masses, we are told to calm down because, “Live peacefully, the world is already at war.”

These questions often plague our minds – Why are we told to calm down? Why are we told to let it be? Why should we pick our fights carefully?

Why Should You Be Selective of the Battles You Fight?

The reason we are told to be selective of jumping into a fight, especially when it comes to personal relationships, is because a relationship of any kind goes on only when two people learn to enjoy their differences. Instead of lashing out on each other at every small issue, we need to learn to respect each other’s boundaries. What matters to you might not make sense to someone else, and what matters to them might seem illogical to you – this is where you are usually supposed to take a step back.

“Part of the happiness of life consists not in fighting battles, but in avoiding them. A masterly retreat is in itself a victory.”

-Norman Vincent Peale

Because usually, in situations like this, there is a low probability of winning, and winning isn’t everything. At the moment, it may seem like winning the argument is everything, and you may win the argument, but lose the relationship. Because winning doesn’t matter as much as you think it does, people do. 

Which is why, you need to be selective in your battles, sometimes peace is better than being right. I have always chosen peace. This choice wasn’t my first always. I would jump at the opportunity of proving myself right, but then slowly, I realized not only was I straining my relationships, but also was hammering away at my own peace. When this realization dawns on you, you realize how futile the need to win was, and you start choosing peace.

“The foolish race of mankind are swarming below in the night; they shriek and rage and quarrel — and all of them are right.”

-Heinrich Heine

Sometimes staying calm and not giving in to the anger can help with the situation more than trying to diffuse it with words ever would. Because in the heat of the moment, words can be easily lost in translation and can be perceived as something they weren’t supposed to be. That being said, speak up when it’s necessary, not when it would simply lead to an insignificant argument. 

When and Why Should You Walk Away?

“I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig, you get dirty; and besides, the pig likes it.”

-George Bernard Shaw

Some people love baiting other people to get a reaction out of them. These people are usually attention seekers; they like the attention being on them. For that, they will rope in anyone. You may even be forced to participate in a fight you don’t even care about. But, because they have riled you enough, you don’t stand back. Don’t engage in the futile exercise, instead say, “Yes okay, you win” and walk away. They are looking for an argument most of the time, and they want to get a reaction out of you; don’t give in, you simply don’t play their game.

“Sometimes you win by walking away.” 

Because you are not giving them what they wanted, you walking away is going to piss them as well. There’s no making them happy. You need to understand that it’s their own struggle, you don’t need to be a part of that. You don’t need to entertain the needs of such people. This is why it is also important to cut toxic people out of your life.

“Whenever we want to combat our enemies, first and foremost we must start by understanding them rather than exaggerating their motives.”

-Criss Jami

YOU are your biggest opponent. Fight yourself every day, to improve the quality of the life you lead, to achieve what you want. Live life on your own terms and stop justifying yourself to everybody – you don’t owe anyone, anything. Our biggest flaw is that we are never really confident about ourselves; we are never sure about our capabilities. Our inadequacy is the reason we compete, and it is the reason we get angry, jealous. 

Final Thoughts

There aren’t a lot of battles worth fighting – when there is something really wrong happening; either your friend is in trouble, or someone is being mistreated – that is when you are actually supposed to take a stand. 

“Pick the right battle and win the war.”

Petty fights don’t deserve your attention, nor do they deserve a reaction. They only make a mess and leave scars. Not everything is worth flipping out over – very few things in life are. 

Learn to stay calm and composed – it won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Talking less or not fighting doesn’t make you a coward; it just shows that you are mature enough not to let irrational things hurt you. Don’t let people get the best of you.