Whether you want to believe it or not, tough times are bound to come in your life from time to time. It’s easy to go tumbling down the rabbit hole of despair, to blame yourself, to blame others, or to give up.
It’s easier for self-doubt to seep in and for negative thoughts to take the front seat.
“This always happens with me.”
“This is how I am going to be always.”
“I won’t ever succeed.”
These are just some of the thoughts that take over our mind when tough times strike. Even if the difficult phase passes, sooner or later it reappears in another form. The sooner you accept that tough times are a part of life, the sooner you will learn to not be fazed by them.
Positive thoughts don’t appear magically in your head during times like these, you have to actively work towards getting that mindset. One thing that is going to get you through difficult patches of your life is a positive and healthy mindset. To achieve that mindspace, there are some things you need to remind yourself and keep working towards.
1. It will pass
“This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass.”
I don’t know who said it but it makes real sense here. No matter what kind of time you are going through, it is going to pass. Even the most happening days don’t last so why will the tough time. When you make up your mind and convince yourself that this predicament you are in will be over in some time, it is easier to deal with.
A deadline, an end date have the power to drive us through life even when we don’t want to. So, putting a clock on your tough time is a good thing to begin with, you don’t have to know the exact date but just the thought of it being over soon is enough to get you into action.
2. This will make me stronger
“I have no regrets in my life. I think that everything happens to you for a reason. The hard times that you go through build character, making you a much stronger person.”
Tough times, negative experiences, glitches in plans, every unfavorable thing teaches you something and that something helps you become stronger. What do you think people mean by being a better version of yourself? It simply means learning from your mistakes and using those lessons to grow yourself as a person. It might not seem like that at the time but once it passes you will realize how it made you a better person.
“Hard times are like a washing machine, they twist, turn and knock us around, but in the end we come out cleaner, brighter and better than before.”
3. Don’t stop – Small steps go a long way
“If you are going through hell, keep going.”
It is tempting to tuck yourself in your comfy blanket and never get out. When things got tough, this used to be my go-to solution. Just go to sleep and wake up when everything passes but things seldom work as we want them to. After I woke up, the problem that had me in a time like was still there, and albeit calm I was still at the same place as before. No solution, no steps taken to fight this thing.
Then I realized that while feeling safe and hiding inside a bubble might be my preference, it wasn’t going to sustain me in the long run. What I needed to do was find a way out. Once this sunk in, I started finding outrageous ways to get help or help myself out of a situation. Well, the ways, they weren’t exactly outrageous but you get my point. For example, there’s an exam tomorrow and you don’t even know the name of the textbook, and you decide that it is possible to learn a 1,000-page book in the just 8 hours.
While that might seem ideal, it is far from it. What it did to me was put me under a lot of stress. Finally, I understood it was about taking small steps, you didn’t have to win the world in a day, just a small something was enough and that is what helps you win the world one day. Just keep taking baby steps, don’t stop.
In the end, it all boils down to your determination to not stop and to not let whatever it is get the better of you. Your mind is the only thing that is going to drive you in situations you would rather not be, so the only thing you have to do, to build yourself up from the ground, is convince yourself that whatever it is, you can get through it without breaking, and it is going to benefit you, and you are going to win because as someone wise said, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”
Comparing Your Journey to Someone Else’s is the Root Cause of Self-Doubt
There are many times when we think what we are doing is not enough or not good enough according to the comparison we make with others. What we fail to realize is that not everyone is at the same point in their journey. Not everyone is in the same situation, not everyone faces the same challenges, and not everyone has the same dreams. Which is why staying focused on your own dreams becomes important.
The destination can be the same, yes, but the goals can be different. You and another person can want the same things but for totally different reasons. All these things considered, there is no point in comparing your journey to someone else’s. Other than doubt and negativity, it gives you nothing. If you look at someone, try to learn from their accomplishments rather than thinking how they already achieved something that you have wanted to.
Comparing your progress to others is you being unfair to yourself. You cannot compare your start to someone’s middle and come out happen from that thought. All it will do is take you down. When you start working at something that involves a huge risk, it is easy to look at everything with distrust, it is easy to compare, it is easy to judge. You have to try to think of ways to change your perspective during crises. You have to actively stop yourself from thinking about external things that are completely out of your control.
External roadblocks are easier to pinpoint, but the ones we create ourselves, our mental roadblocks, those are what stop us from succeeding. Living in denial about how you yourself are holding yourself back is not going to help. Instead of doing that, you need to recognize the signs that tell you that it is time to change your mindset for a better standing point.
The point is that not all negativity is external, and sometimes, out of fear, we become negative. Pessimistic thoughts talk over any enthusiasm you have for going about your work. As you work on building something, one of the main things to do is to learn how to say no to negativity. You can boycott negative people, turn away from negative influences, stop participating in negative discussions, but stopping the negativity in your mind is a bit difficult.
The most effective thing you can is to start journaling. Journaling gives you an opportunity to pour out your thoughts and then see what is bothering you. When all your worries and thoughts are out on paper, you will know what you need to focus on and what you need to change to help yourself. It is a form of self-therapy. Try it if you don’t want to talk to someone else.
Having a clear mind is important if you want to get your work done effectively. Mental exhaustion from worrying too much can negatively impact your productivity, that paired with the constant comparison with others is sure to cause your downfall. Along with journaling, start with positive affirmations. Include positive talk in your daily routine. Remind yourself that you can do it.
I cannot stress enough on self-care. When we start a new project, there are a lot of things that need to be worked on, and that has us busy. Being busy is required at this stage, I agree, but that isn’t reason enough to not take care of yourself. Being busy and taking care of your self are not mutually exclusive. It is all about priority.
There are a lot of things you will have to deal with. Doubts and questions are always going to be pouring in from the people you know. Do not be another addition to your headache. If you manage to keep your headspace clean, no matter what comes your way, you will be able to deal with anything. From time to time, take moments off to just reflect and simply relax.
5 Secrets of High Achievers in Life
Do you have goals? Do you have dreams? Do you have visions?
Everyone has them. Some have them more prominently than others. Some work for it, most don’t. Some are ready to go the extra mile, most aren’t. Some give it all they have, most make excuses. Everyone wants to part of the “some,” but end up being the part of the “most.”
How do you change that? How do you make the transition? How do you achieve all that you have ever wanted? How do you stay focused on your dreams?
There are traits that are common in people who have achieved success. Actions that they have taken consistently. They have made the leap that was needed. The reason why people tell you to read autobiographies of successful people is to realize that to reach the rainbow, they had to go through thunder. This teaches you important lessons needed for you to achieve the same. You realize what you are lacking and where you are falling short.
Today, I am going to be talking about five things that all high achieving people have in common. These are the areas you need to work on when it comes to you. Try understanding their importance and how they can be snow-balled towards your success once you embrace these things.
1. Make a decision / Take the leap
Making a decision – any decision – is one of the hardest parts of achieving something. Setting goals is the first step to achieving them. Deciding to do something is the start, and the beginning of anything can be difficult and frightening for most. Especially if that decision has the power to bring huge changes and change anyway makes people uncomfortable. People want change but are afraid of it. That fear leaks into the ideology of decision making.
But, when you want to achieve something that you know is big, then you have to realize that for big things to happen, big changes need to take place. A solid decision needs to be taken. You cannot keep flipping your decisions based on how difficult your day is. Suppose you leave your job to become an entrepreneur. Leaving the job was the decision, the leap you needed to make. Once you make that leap, sticking with it is very important.
2. Learn consistency
Consistency is very important. Consistency is the key ingredient to success. A person who is consistent with his craft has more power to succeed than a person who has talent but is inconsistent. Doing a little every day adds up to something big in the end. Say you decide to write a 300-page book. You have made the decision but are you ready to put in the work or are you just going to be putting it off in search of the perfect day to do it, is something that we are talking about here.
The book isn’t going to write itself, neither are you going to be able to write it in a day. What you need is a daily plan. A daily attack mission to tackle the goal. It doesn’t matter if you write half a page every day. The key is writing every day. It might take longer than someone else who writes four pages a day, but it still is more than a person who doesn’t write at all. If you keep up with your plan, then you will find it getting easier to increase your pace and also you will end up with a finished book that you otherwise wouldn’t have.
3. Choose to work
When we start, the push is there. Slowly the push fades off, and everything depends on our determination. It is easy to put off today’s work when we have no one to answer to. What is difficult is sticking to the schedule. Because we are scared of this new thing and any reason to put the work off is readily welcomed by us.
Say a friend calls up for drinks. It is easy to accept and put the work on tomorrow. What then happens is, this becomes a regular occurrence, and then your work starts pilling up. There comes the point when the backlog is so huge that moving forward seems a lot more difficult than it would have been. Make the difficult decision of saying no and choosing to work instead. Entertainment and a good time are tempting, but remember great time needs work. Be ready to make sacrifices!
4. Be persistent
Do you know when being persistent is the most essential? When you face a setback, a failure, when you see no way out, when giving up is easier – this is when you need this quality the most. It is always easy to give up, but the ramifications are not worth the ease. Yes, in most cases you won’t lose anything per se, but the emotional and mental toll it will take down the line is just not worth it.
By choosing not to put in the work now, by choosing not to fight now, you are setting yourself up for a bigger failure in the future. Now that you have given up, your mind knows it is easy to do so and can be done again. Now you don’t trust yourself to see a decision through. To achieve anything, it is important to trust ourselves, losing that very thing means no matter the amount of talent we have, success will be difficult to attain. When hardships come, when you hit a roadblock, when you face a setback – keep going. Remember, your future self will thank you for it.
5. Know when to give up
While consistency and persistence are important pillars of building your dreams, so is knowing when to take a step back. Yes, I just told you to keep going, but sometimes the circumstances are beyond your control. Moving forward can mean inflicting more damage than doing good. You need to be able to recognize which fights are worth fighting.
You need to be flexible in your ways. You don’t have to give up your dreams completely if you don’t want to. Take a step back, spend some time thinking over it. Give the instant feeling of failure and disappointment a little moment to rest. When you are a bit more clear-headed think about it again. Try finding out ways that work better. Gauging the situation and changing priorities is what makes people achieve things that others cannot.
My main takeaway
At the end of the day, it all boils down to how ready are you to put yourself out there and how ready are you to sacrifice comfort for the work you need to put in. Ask yourself if you want it badly enough to try all that you can. Everything depends on you. These traits aren’t something that can be taught. These are something that you bring about yourself. Trust yourself and trust the process, rest will follow!
How to Say NO to Negativity in Life
We don’t want to be pessimists, but many of us are. We naturally try to think of the worst case scenario. We might justify it as trying to prepare for it and trying to protect ourselves from it, but is that really it. Sometimes we use the probable worst case scenarios as excuses to not even try something.
Just deciding that you are going to be positive from now on isn’t going to cut the deal. It isn’t easy to change the pattern of our thinking, just like that. Before completely implementing positive lifestyle, it is important to get rid of the negativity in our lives. Like being positive isn’t as easy as flipping a switch, getting rid of negativity is the same. You have to start by focusing on decreasing the negativity.
Set realistic goals
A lot of negativity that we surround ourselves and our goals with stems from not setting realistic goals. I used to do that. I used to set really high goals for myself and then feel bad when I couldn’t achieve them. The reason for setting those goals was that I wanted to do more. If I set easy goals that I knew I would be able to achieve easily, I would feel like I wasn’t working hard enough.
Unless I was rushing to complete my goals, I didn’t feel like I was working hard enough. That is the problem here. We are too hard on ourselves when it comes to actually working on our dreams. Just because you are not rushing or are at a comfortable pace doesn’t mean you aren’t doing enough. The goal is to be productive with your days, not busy every minute of the hour.
Even if it seems like you aren’t doing the most, start by setting simpler smaller goals. Once you achieve them, you can always go on adding. This will also give you a constant sense of accomplishment, which gives way to positive feelings.
See problems as nothing more than challenges
When you see problems as problems, you give them the power to dictate your stance, but when you see them as challenges, you give yourself the power to dictate it. Challenges gear our brains to find a solution to solve them. Remember how you attempt to solve brain teasers, even if it is for a few minutes?
That’s how it works. If you see it as something that has to be solved rather than something that is creating a hindrance in your path, you are more likely to take it up heads on. When you can put all you have into changing an otherwise unfavorable situation, it makes you feel more exhilarated and gives you the confidence to face the difficulties.
Don’t give “NO” as an immediate answer
When new things come our way, that need us to step out of our comfort zone, it is really easy to say no immediately. This is a sign of us letting our negativity make decisions for us. Just because we always try to see the worst in every decision, something that needs us to step out of our comfort zone immediately raises our alarms. This acts as a mental roadblock for us.
Even if we later realize that the decision might have done wonders for us if said yes, and even if we have enough time to change our decisions, we don’t. We start trying to justify the no we said in the first place. If you are unsure about something or something scares you, refrain from giving an immediate answer. Take your time. Detaching yourself from the pressure of making an immediate decision will help you look at it more objectively.
Start the day right
Starting the day right sets the tone for the day ahead. If you start the day complaining, there are chances that you will carry that attitude throughout the day. This might make you react to something in a negative manner that you might not have reacted to otherwise.
Being in a foul mood can also affect your decision-making skills. Being clear-headed is really important to make decisions that are beneficial in the long run. This is why gratitude journals or journaling have been gaining popularity. It helps you take a few moments out of the day just to express your gratitude and be thankful for what you have.
Starting your day with positive affirmations is also a great way to start the day right and also boost confidence in yourself. It lets you know that you have your back no matter what, that you trust yourself, and also that you believe in yourself. This allows you to work with a certainty that only comes from believing in yourself.
Getting rid of negativity is like anything else; you have to consciously make an effort to get rid of it. Unless you acknowledge its existence and try to fight it with awareness, it is going to consume you. The decisions you make – the risks you take – will stem from the negativity rather than a growth mindset.
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